Paul Szmal: Good morning 816, the Friday extravaganza. It's FLX Morning. Lori Ellis is with us from Finger Lakes Community Health at LocalCommunityHealth.com. She's a licensed clinical social worker in the field of behavioral health. Good morning.
Laurie Ellis: Good morning to you.
Paul Szmal: How are you this morning?
Laurie Ellis: I'm doing well.
Paul Szmal: We are in the holiday season and we're going to talk about holiday stress and how to simplify and how to wind down. Is it getting more with, I noticed especially this year, the lights started going up in mid-November, the sales ads start hitting now in early November. It kind of used to officially be the day after Thanksgiving, so it sounds like it's even tougher maybe than it's been in the past to simplify.
Laurie Ellis: Exactly. I know the hustle and bustle this time of year for sure and I think that's where sometimes that stress starts to creep in right around this holiday time with people trying to get everything pulled together for themselves for the holiday, but at the same time, you know, trying to balance out their work, their life, their family life, so we definitely see the increase in this time of year with people's stress levels. So the biggest piece of advice is just number one, don't try to be perfect. You're not. Life isn't a Hallmark movie. It's not a Martha Stewart special.
Paul Szmal: No, it's not. It's not a Hallmark movie for sure. We don't have to have a perfect holiday. I think we get so caught up and everything's got to be perfect, but if we can focus on staying maybe present in that moment and enjoy the time together instead of getting caught up in the bustle, then you're going to slow things down a little bit for yourself. So we don't have to have the perfect dinner. We don't have to have that perfect gift. We just have to have some time together and appreciate that.
Laurie Ellis: This one's great because our family did this a couple years ago. Avoid overspending. About two years or so ago, we just decided why are we running around trying, you know, we just limited what we get each other and couldn't be happier.
Paul Szmal: You are spot-on with that. I just always... we've done the same thing on my end. We don't overspend. We stay within our means. We set a price. That's it. We set a price. That's what we go with and we'd rather have a good dinner together and have a good dessert together and just have time together. So just stay within your means. Don't overspend because you're going to pay for it in the long run. You're going to have financial struggles. We can just create more stress for ourselves.
Laurie Ellis: Another one is to set healthy boundaries because one of the things that we face this time of year is we put these obligations on ourselves. We have to attend every party. My party, the wife's party, somebody else's party. We have to go here and be there and do all these things and you just can't.
Paul Szmal: No, you can't. Life is busy. People have very busy personal lives these days and very busy lives at work. So if you can create a time and stick to it, if you can be true to yourself about what you need to avoid that stress and the heightened pressure, because a lot of it is self-pressure, self-expectations, then if you can set those healthy boundaries and create that thought for yourself and stick to it, then you're going to feel a lot better and less stressed and overwhelmed.
Laurie Ellis: So how do you tell somebody, because in my case I'm kind of a homebody anyway. I mean I'd be perfectly content to spend almost all my time at home. How do you tell somebody, you know, sorry we're just really jammed up so I won't be attending your function or coming to your reception?
Paul Szmal: So maybe you could offer instead, at this point we've got so much this time of year, what if we did something after the holidays? What if we could have a dinner after the holidays? Or what if we agreed to have coffee after the holidays? But let's get through the holidays because we're all so busy that maybe let's plan something then when things slow down a little bit.
Laurie Ellis: Boy, that's a good one. And the thing I've noticed, because I've had this conversation a million times with my wife, is to write those things down like an appointment. If you just say we'll get together after Christmas, never going to happen. If you say, all right, how about January 10th at 10 a.m. for coffee?
Paul Szmal: Correct. Treat it like a meeting or like something at work. Great idea. I like that too. Add it to your calendar. Plan the time then, but just stick with something for yourself that's going to work to get you through the holidays. And then you're going to enjoy it more anyways if you're not so stressed looking at your clock the whole time.
Laurie Ellis: So we were talking earlier about keeping the amount you spend down on holiday gifts. And the other thing you have to do is communicate that all around. Because we've all been in that situation where somebody receives a $200 gift and you've given them a $10 one and potential for problems arise.
Paul Szmal: Right. So if you have that communication, like you said, communication is key. If you have that communication up front, like $50, that's what we got. $20, that's what you got. That's what we can give. But let's do the time instead of the gift or the money. It does help. And then you don't get caught off guard for sure.
Laurie Ellis: And all these tips that we're talking about are from an article that Lori wrote titled, Techniques to Address Holiday Stress. Another one is just to appreciate the simple things. I mean, family being together. That's the best part of our Christmas. We're fortunate. I have one child who lives with me, another who lives right close by. And so every Christmas that we've been a family, the four of us have been together.
Paul Szmal: Exactly. Focus on making those memories. That's what... you're not going to get that time back. So what can you do to focus on making memories with your loved ones? You have your, you know, maybe baking some cookies or sitting down together and watching a movie with some popcorn or just taking a walk outside in the snow or a snow angel or decorating the tree. Whatever that is. But take that time and use that. Just appreciate that time together because those are the memories that we're going to remember as we get older and our kids get older. And then when you don't have it, you're going to be able to look back and remember those days.
Laurie Ellis: And that one ties into number seven, which is embrace a less-is-more mentality. Maybe, you know, instead of trying to make the perfect Christmas dinner, just have some cookies or a few snacks or things throughout the day. Almost like a Super Bowl Sunday kind of deal.
Paul Szmal: Exactly. Lessen that expectation. You're going to be... you're going to... people will enjoy the things that you can put together. Maybe everybody comes up with one thing that they want. It doesn't have to be a huge thing. It could be chips. It could be popcorn. It could be, you know, nachos for the day. That's it. Just like lessen that expectation and just making good memories. Just give... maybe people make... I know that I have some people, my patients, they're making handmade snowflakes for Christmas to give away. It's just easy stuff. They're just doing those very less-is-more mentality.
Laurie Ellis: Oh, and those are things you'll remember. I mean, we have ornaments. We have ornaments on our Christmas tree that were made by our kids when they were three years old. I mean, you don't think those are treasured memories.
Paul Szmal: Yes, you hold on to those dearly.
Laurie Ellis: Sure. Now here's the last one. And I try to do this and sometimes I'm okay and other times I fall through the cracks. And that's practice gratitude. This is a terrific time to look around at all the people who make your life happy and thank them for it.
Paul Szmal: Exactly. Finding gratitude sometimes can be challenging because we get so caught up in the stress and the emotions of the holiday and the monotony of things. And so if you can find something to be grateful for every day, we call it redirecting your thinking and flipping your thoughts, where it takes you into a different thought process so you're not staying stuck in the negative part of your thoughts. You're getting into something that feels better and finding something that you can be grateful for. And we all have things to be grateful for every day. We might not feel it in that moment, but we have gratefulness for our jobs. We have gratefulness for our family. We have gratefulness for having a beautiful home. We have gratefulness for being able to afford to get together with loved ones. There's so many things to be grateful for. We have gratefulness to be able to get up every morning and get going, our health. So there's so many things that we can be grateful for. And if you can find gratefulness in something, it can help shift your thoughts away from staying in that negative headspace that's easy to get into this time of year as well.
Laurie Ellis: And also I think what goes along with that is just to kind of sweep away regrets. You know, don't fret over the party you couldn't go to or that you didn't have time to make your perfect holiday thing that you do every year. Because, you know, especially as we get older, we slow down a little bit. And you know, you just you want a little more simpler holiday, I think.
Paul Szmal: Exactly. And it's okay. Kind of what you're saying, too, is it's okay to kind of realize that you can't do everything. That sometimes we need other people to help us get through those moments. And that's where it's the time to reach out to our loved ones and our families and our friends. And just ask them for, you know, a little bit of assistance along the way. And that's okay. Because I always say that you asking somebody else for help might be just what they need to help them get out of maybe a space that they're in that's not so good. So it's good to reach out to those people around us.
Laurie Ellis: And then the final piece of advice is to keep some structure in your routine. Do your normal day-to-day things. You're going to eat differently. So make sure you exercise. Make sure you eat decent meals. And just take care of yourself. Don't just fall into a Christmas world for a month.
Paul Szmal: Exactly. Yes, that structure. That's something I firmly work with my patients on is structure, routine, and consistency. Because it's when we get out of our structure and our routine that we don't have anything to get our basis started for our days. Getting things going, getting the day going. It's hard when you're feeling off kilter and you're not doing your norm. So I agree with you. This is the holiday time. People are going to look and realize that they are going to eat differently. So get out there. Use your diet. Just try and stay away from some of that unwanted stress or pressure. But do the things that keep you in your normal daily routine the best that you can.
Laurie Ellis: If you find yourself needing mental health care at any time of the year, of course Finger Lakes Community Health has eight local health centers all around our area. And workers like Lori are there to help. So go to LocalCommunityHealth.com. That goes anytime of year. Lori, thanks. I always appreciate this conversation each year because it's good reminders. Because even though I do it every year, I look down and say, uh-oh, I'm not doing numbers five, six, or seven.
Paul Szmal: No, it is good. And we truly do appreciate the time as well because it is good to be able to give back to the community. And we do appreciate you allowing us this time with you for sure.
